Buying for a partner when you are not sure what they want

Start from a form, not a model

There are only a handful of forms in this category — something that vibrates, something that goes inside, something worn by one partner, something controlled by the other. If you do not know what your partner prefers, you are choosing between forms, not between products.

Work out which form they are most likely to be curious about, then pick the least intimidating version of it. That is a much better bet than a feature-rich version of a form they have never considered.

The safest first choices

• External before internal. A vibrator used on the outside makes no assumptions about experience or anatomy.
• One button before an app. Fewer settings is a feature, not a compromise, for a first device.
• Quiet before powerful. For anyone in a shared apartment, a loud device is a device that stays in the box.
• Rechargeable before battery. Nobody wants to be caught without spare batteries at the wrong moment.
• Small before large. You can always size up on a second purchase. You cannot un-scare someone with something too big.

What to avoid as a gift

Avoid anything that requires a specific fetish you have not actually discussed. Avoid anything that puts the gift receiver in a compromising position if they open it in front of someone else — which rules out flamboyant packaging.

And avoid the purchase that is really a hint. If the gift is a message rather than a present, it rarely lands the way you intended.

Handling the delivery

Everything ships in a plain, unmarked box with no product or brand names and nothing on the waybill that describes the contents. That is the design for exactly this situation.

If the parcel is coming to a shared address and you want to keep it quiet, message us on WhatsApp before dispatch and we will hold the delivery for a window when you will be the one at the door. Cash on delivery means nothing appears on a shared bank statement either.